Tuesday, November 14, 2006

I laught at myself....
Click, click, click, click………the only music I seem to hear these days, need I say what that is? Any of you and all of you worth something (or nothing) will know what that monotonous non-stop sound is.
A typical day in my life starts with the obsession of beginning to play this music myself, to honour my deadlines of course (are they called deadlines because we are supposed to be dead by the time we crawl towards that line?). I rush through the morning chores dragging my little daughter to the bathroom, getting her dressed and shoving her into the school bus (with help from my family, no doubt) without paying any attention to what she is trying to say (is that a protest I hear from her or some news about her dreams, I have no time to listen). Then, I get dressed in a jiffy and swallow something just to silence my rumbling tummy before I take two steps at a time towards the waiting car and my glaring husband; in the background, I can hear my mother reminding me about some undone chore, which I conveniently postpone to the end of the week (needless to say, a lot of ‘postponed’ chores have piled up over the past months).
I catch my breath when I reach office, that is until the deadlines return to torment!!
Occasionally, I pause to think, is this mad rush worth the trouble? I know it is not, it can never be. Because we were not created to sit in an air-conditioned office from dawn to dusk and click endlessly but to give sufficient movements to our hands, feet and body, get some fresh air and revel under the energizing rays of the Sun (now when was the last time I looked at the sky?) Sadly here we are, ensconced in artificial environs where everybody starts sneezing and sniffing if one amongst the lot happens to have an infection; oblivious to the rain, sun or snow falling just outside the boundaries of our existence.
I wonder how I, who had always abhorred technology, preferring something more real and creative instead, landed up in the same profession; the IT bug (greed) must have bitten me too sometime, somewhere….sigh!!!
When will I muster enough courage to chuck everything, go to some obscure, uninhabited land, and venture into organic farming or the like, at least to fulfill the basic needs of experiencing clean water, food and air? Will that day ever come or will I keep postponing even that to the end of time? Hope not!! I do have some illustrious cousins to draw inspiration from (and to remind myself) that it is not impossible to give up lucrative careers in exciting cities for a simple but satisfying life in beautiful, unpolluted virgin lands.
I am reminded of Frost’s poignant poem, “The woods are lovely, dark and deep”, now now... before I sleep dreaming of being anywhere but clicking, let me get back to fulfilling my promises (deadlines).

10 Comments:

At 9:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very touching Gayathri! Very true! I hope you have the guts to chuck this career and realise your dream soon enough.Success in life is not just about carrer and money, but about a peaceful existence with the world. When we are torturing our own selves and our immediate family thus, where is the question of co-existence? I wish I could do it too. Sooooooooooon.

 
At 9:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi,

Yeah greed is the factor which keeps us all glued to the IT industry inspite of the numerous problems faced here. I think ego and societal pressure also play their part.
But i feel some os us are awed by the air-conditioning room , floer vases and cultutal extravaganzas which are offered by these IT companies.
Hope your dream of setting up an organic farm comes true, but wont you be thinking about your daughter's higher education at that time :-)

 
At 2:01 AM, Blogger Gayathri Varma said...

Hi all,
Nice to know that all of you agree with me. And yes, like Anita says, it is indeed grred and hope for a brighter, richer life that motivates us to stay on....the unsaid truth is....half of our money goes towards paying our medical bills to treat pertinent back-aches and stiff necks we earn from the IT world!!!

 
At 2:11 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi there,
We all dream of retiring 'one day' to a perfect solitary land and live in hibernation for the rest of our lives. But then for most of us, we will just live with these dreams, coz' they are not only impractical, but highly impossible too, due to various reasons....need i name them??? but heck, who is there to prevent us from dreaming?

 
At 1:17 AM, Blogger abhilash warrier said...

gayathri,

when did you get married? and when did you have a kid?

abhi
PS: i am surprised... i did not know.

 
At 3:06 AM, Blogger Gayathri Varma said...

hi abhi,
u amuse me.....have u confused me with some other namesake of mine? i got married when i was very very young, almost 8 years ago and i have a 5 year old daughter. well, i dont think we even interacted except a casual 'hi' when we were in Sify...i started reading/enjoying ur writings ever since i read your (in)famous resignation letter....then it was your blog...

 
At 7:09 AM, Blogger dharmabum said...

would love to know more about ur cousins - what they do and all - a post someday?

 
At 7:09 AM, Blogger dharmabum said...

but that also brings me to the question - u say u r an educational technoogist - and then u also say u r in the IT industry - so what is the commonality - some kinda e-learning work u do or what? pardon my curiosity :)

 
At 10:36 PM, Blogger Gayathri Varma said...

hi dharmabum,
you are right. i am in the eLearning industry, in the elearning/content department of an IT company.
i was (am still a writer at heart!) a reporter/writer/sub-editor of an English magazine earlier. switched over to this field to explore another 'facet' of writing...well, but if you ask me now, in the industry i am in right now, i hardly do any spontaneous creative writing...you know, its just nice to fool oneself to thinking that one is still a writer!!!
what do you do?

 
At 11:18 PM, Blogger abhilash warrier said...

gayathri,

are we twins separated at birth? farming and a small naaluketu in a kukgrammam is something i yearn for.

i know who you are; i did not know that you were married and had a kid too! ;-)

 

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