In quest of the sacred silence

“His arched brows meeting at the center of His forehead, His shaped lips, His golden smile, His flowing hair, His coraline skin tone, with white ash all over His body, His golden raised dancing feet .... to see this beatific vision is the very purpose of life... nothing else is worth seeing.” Thus sang saint Appar about Lord Shiva.

I have always had a reverent fascination for Shiva, especially his Thandava Nrithyam. The Shivarathri Mahathmyam stories my mother used to recite to us when we were children about the Lord granting quick and instant gratification and blessings to his devotees have augmented my Belief and reverence over time.

Owing to this, I long to visit as many places of worship of Lord Shiva in this life time as is possible. More than a wish to indulge in any ritualistic offerings at these temples, it is my desire to see the various human interpretations of His form. Like for example, the Shiva temple at Chidambaram, where I hope to give life and movement to the Thandava postures of the Lord in my minds eye. Another place I want to visit is the temple at Gokarnam, Karnataka—to be imaginarily transported to a poignant Shivarathri Mahatmyam story, the facts of which took place in the temple premises centuries ago.

But most importantly, the one journey I want to undertake in this lifetime more than anything else is the Kailas Manasarovar Yatra. I have heard from so many people about the life-changing transformation, beauty and significance of that journey.

Mount Kailas is the spiritual center of four great religions: Tibetan Buddhism, Hinduism, the Jain religion and the pre Buddhist animistic religion, Bonpo.

For the Hindus, "Mount Kailas is the earthly manifestation of Mt. Meru, their spritual centre of the universe, described as a fantastic ‘world pillar’ 84,000 miles high, around which all else revolves, its roots in the lowest hell and its summit kissing the heavens. On the top, resides their most revered God, Shiva, and his consort Parvati."

I’ve heard and read various stories of how pilgrims have travelled to the Mount, journeying great distances and braving harsh weather and bandit attacks, to cleanse themselves of sin and achieve salvation.

A friend of mine had told me long back that he would love to travel to the Mount with me to behold the awesome sights of the place and experience the spirited silence (yes, silence can be spirited too) together. But I know for sure that travelling alone or with a crowd to this place will not make a significant difference to me. Coz’ certain feelings and sounds can be experienced and heard only with yourself for company, totally from your soul within. So, I patiently wait for my voyage to this sacred place, that is if I am fortunate enough to make it!

“The real voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new places but in having new eyes.”
- Marcel Proust

Compulsive Disillusionment Disorder (CDD)

I seem to be suffering from “Compulsive Disillusionment Disorder (CDD)” (Coined by yours truly - Psychologists out there, interested to learn more?)

I have compiled this list in an advanced state of CDD.

What’s in?

Hypocrisy
An eerie seductive laugh
A faked foreign accent (preferably American)
Sleeping with your boss
Pretending to be fully charged up at work even at 9PM (especially when your boss is around)
Shrugging your shoulders and commenting after your best friend resigns, “It kinda makes no difference to me. I am not here to be a part of any friendship brigade.”
Being employed for 3 months in an organization
A cooked-up exaggerated resume
Lies, lies, lies and more lies, camouflaged by sparkling sweetness

What’s out?

Being you
A simple ‘straight-from-the heart’ smile
Your own accent
Always forgetting to comment about your boss's attire
Admitting tiredness at 9PM after a horribly hectic day
Shedding a tear or two after your best friend quits the organization and saying, “Hey, I am really going to miss having you around.”
Is there anything called working for 10 years in the same organization?
A true account of your education, experiences and interests in your resume….yawn, how boring!
Truth, loyalty, sincerity….Err, hmm, what are these???

The more severe CDD’s amongst you will say “Bah, so what’s new in this list?”

I know, but then I just had to get it out of my current disillusioned state of mind. I intend to add to that list as and when I encounter artificiality around me in all hues.

The irony, or rather the reality is that the hypocratic souls of this world seem to get away with all the luck and the genuine ones are sadly left in the lurch, grappling with the dilemma of “Hey, where, how and when did I go wrong?”